I have encountered many situations where I had to rethink what a good friendship means. Often we see friendships, like sinking ships. The arise, the promise to be Titanic, and they are destined to become Titanic.  Great friendships require a great personality, friendship is an understanding among kings not the beggars.

There is a traditional way of thinking about friendship and there is modern way of thinking about friendship. Traditional way is idealistic of nature modern way of friendship is value oriented.  Somehow instinctively we know when a friendship is a good friendship regardless of the area it is in.

Sometime friendship seems like a prostitutional  contract between two “people”.  During our life we meet many people, we leave and we forget those people. I love this saying in Dutch (uit het oog uit het hart) out of sight out of heart. It implies something about the human nature, and the nature of men is egoistic. If it is not of any use it is not of any interest.

What friendship is not for me, it is not a social club, it is not filling the empty gaps, it is not your psychiatrist, it is not your entertainment plan, it is not extension of your strength, it is not protection from the evil, it is not a door to success, and it is not your personal 911 number.

If I cannot define what  friendship is how  can I  determine what  a good friend is then? That is to say if we do not know the variable x we cannot search for the value of y in an equation.

What characterizes a good friend?

• He is authentic
• His actions are louder than his words
• He is trust worthy
• He does not keep a log file of his favours
• He will do anything for you yet he will feel he has not done enough
• He wishes the best for you
• He is a brother to you
• He will support you
• He will stop you
• He will listen to you
• He knows your strength
• He knows your weaknesses
• He is not jealous of you
• He loves you

What is a not a good friend?

• He is not authentic
• His actions are not louder than his words
• He is not trust worthy
• He keeps a log file of  his favours
• He always feel that he has done more than enough for you
• He does not wishes the best for you
• He is not a brother to you
• He will not support you
• He will not stop you
• He will not listen to you
• He knows not your strength
• He knows not your weaknesses
• He is jealous of you
• He does not love you

 Are there some guidelines which hinder us in creating good friendships?

• Real friendship requires a deep trust in each other and we don’t trust each other.
• Real friendship requires respect for each other and we don’t respect each other.
• Real friendship requires well wishes for each other and we often are jealous of each other.
• Real friendship is adding value we often want to distract value.
• Real friendship is understanding first we often give advice first.
• Real friendship is accepting ones flaws we like to judge our friends.
• Real friendship is sitting silently next to each other we feel awkward in silence.
• Real friendship is being there in need we often chose the fun moments.
• Real friendship requires a great investment first we want to cash out to soon.
• Real friendship is to be honest we often like to please.

Why we stop being good friends?

• We grow apart from each other.
• We develop different philosophies from each other.
• We do not see each other equal in friendship.
• We do not add value to friendship.
• We give more importance to our self then to other.
• We are not tolerant.
• We are lazy, great friendship requires high energy level, lazy people in my eyes cannot invest that energy in good friendships.
• Our ego is bigger than our friendship.
• Forcing the other to go against his will.

The question arises, am I a good friend?

• A person who is a friend to all is a friend to none.
• We all want to have the best friend but nobody is willing to become one.

Personal evaluation:

I truly cannot answer for myself if I have been a good friend, all I can say of myself I am trying……..