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What did these 10 days of isolation do to me.
Day of arrival, I took a refuge in Silla(morality), Samadhi(mastery) and panja(Wisdom).

1st day I sat to practice morality(not to lie, not to kill, not to steal, not to intoxicate my self and not to have any sexual misconduct) to my surprise when ever I closed my eyes, my mind only dwelled toward sex, sex, sex and more sex.

2nd day I sat to practice morality, strangely yet another feeling had added namely of aggression now I was thinking of sex combined with aggression.

3rd day I sat to practice morality I had a strong urge to kill and destroy everything which even took breath in my direction.

4th day I sat to practice Samadhi to get mastery over my mind and I was thinking again only about sex. I was not experiencing any high state of consciousness but instead only experiencing pornographic images.

5th day I felt a tremendous sadness and a hollowness and a meaninglessness in all my activities. I cried the tears of no reason.

6th day I wanted to leave this prison and madness, I had packed my bag and was determined to fight my way out. But then I noticed an ant which was still struggling to pull one dry leave which it was trying to pull for previous 3 hour. This gave me motivation to continue.

7th day I was full of determination, full of hope but soon I felt depressed and frustrated again after sitting for 13 hours while feeling severe pain on all my body and still no feeling of ecstasy.

8th day I cannot really recall anymore. But I remember thinking about my tiger philosophy “The meaning of sadness”.

9th day something changed when I sat down, I sat for hours and hours, focused and alert, observing any changes in the physical body. The body was in much pain as I was observing this pain, I felt a separation from the pain like looking at you from the perspective of I. There was a stillness and a silence in which I heard the lights sings and I saw the sound dancing.

10th day I was in deep pain again not because of the physical pain, but of such short meeting with this feeling of ecstasy. A experience of sadness in which I experienced higher part of me but had to deal with this mundane “normal” truth again.

11th day everything was over again and I was happy that this madness stopped till I will start it again next time.

Everybody asked me what did you gain of it, I said I did not gain anything. I did lose something, that is my interest in all which is not!
Experiencing reality as it is not as I would like it to be!

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Give people value to their life, let them know you, let them like you and finally let them trust you. When they trust you they will follow you into the deepest of the forest. With this knowledge you can lead them to their higher potential or seduce them to a state of enslavement. You become there shepherd, remember that with great power comes great responsibility. When mastering this art, do not be concerned with their happiness or sadness, because these two entities are only distinguished by an illusion of time.

Become there master!

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I cried for many reasons today, one for the pain of growth, second for the long road which lies in front of me, third for the indifference behavior towards the outcome, fourth for the time which has passed, fifth For a glimpse of a higher experience, sixth for a uncontrollable desire to succeed and seventh for the humility beyond imagination.

The flow of tears!

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I am basically angry. Angry at everybody and everything. I am angry at my life, angry at family , angry at my work, angry at the society, angry at the teachers, angry at the religions, angry at politicians, angry at the world, for most of all I am angry at myself.

Just the pure anger, can you not see the beauty and strength of it? It burns like fires you have not seen or cannot be seen with naked eye. A beauty like the fires of hell, unparalleled with anything else! Fire and fire everywhere at once, just a pure source of energy, like a core of a volcano. It hurts and burns but fuels at the same time with this tremendous source of inexhaustible energy. This much anger cannot be accumulated in one life time, it seems like a burden of forgotten past, but which past?

I can tell you through this anger how a Hitler can be formed, or a Napoleon can raise to power or a Stalin can come to existence.

Releasing the pressure!

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Once I was just a small baby, then I become a young boy, just few years later I started to flower in a young man, now I am in the process of maturing, soon I will be called an old man and just few steps further life will seek to exists.

Can you understand this simple phenomena? How hard I try I cannot! Intellectually I can, but that is as far as the understanding goes. Like person dying of heart Disease and knows he need to stop smoking and lose weight!

This is not a pessimistic view on life but an authentic way of appreciating life’s full beauty.

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To Express oneself freely, what does it mean? To live a free life what does it mean? To be truly happy, what does it mean? To be yourself, what does it mean? To live a good life, what does it mean? To truly love, what does it mean?

To express one self, beyond the expectation of one self can be called a freely expression.

To live a free life is to be responsible without taking the ownership of the responsibilities.

Happiness is a raped word which now represent a consuming addiction. To be truly happy, is the process of experiencing not of expressing.

To be your self is to witness that which is being expressed. To know what is being expressed is to renounce the self-image, because where there is a self there is barrier to be true you.

To live a good live is, is to do what is the right action. That is to kill sometime and save other times, that is to build in need of construction and destroy in time of chaos. Remember the right action not the right deed.

True love is to love, without any reference all other is just another way of prostitution.

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Few years ago a girl asked me for direction to her office. I told her that I was going the same way and she could walk with me if she liked. During our walk we had really nice time and good laugh in those 15 minutes. Like always in life, she had to go left and I had to go right. I asked her if she liked to meet again for cop of coffee or little more! She said, “no I better not”. I said, “why not, it will be a blast”. She said, “no I can’t it does not seem right”, I said, “to me this seems right, just give me your number then I will call you”, she said again, “No”. I said, “come on”. Then she said, “what part of no you don’t understand”. Then I realized maybe I was pushing too much and that a no was a no.

One year later, I was walking on the same road and she came running after me and said to me, “do you remember me?”. I said, “the girl who did not wanted to go out with me”. She said, “it is your own fault”. “How come?”, I asked. She replied, “you gave up to soon, No is not always a no. I really liked you and wanted to go out with you, if you just had asked me maybe one more time”

I never understood this then, but now I do, “A No is not always a No”.

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things only make sence when I don’t think about them.

The first exposure, to which we are exposed in our youth, haunts or leads us for the rest of our life, which determines for great deal our personality and faith.

It will take you a life time to reverse the impact of the first exposure, unfortunately there is no freedom in our choice of choosing it.

Once the disciples of Bud asked him, “how can we change our self and our habits’?” To which Bud replied in his own manner and took a rope and made a knot in it. He then said to his disciples, “if this knot represents a habit what must one do to unwind a certain habit? The only way is to reverse the movement in which the knot was winded, there are no quick fixes”, he replied.

The greatest influence!

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When I was 22, I met a beautiful girl. We had a nice conversation. She asked me my age, I told her that I was 22. She said, “no you can’t be 22, tell me the truth how old are you?” I said, “really I am 22”. But she did not believe me. This went up and forth for a while till it reached an uncomfortable moment of silence.

I took a minute for myself, evaluated the situation and reorganized my strategy. I asked her about her age, she was 28. I looked in her eyes, thought for a minute and said to her, “I was just kidding I am also 28 year old”. This made her happy and that made me happy and we had very happy time after that.

I learned a valuable lesson then. “Give people what they want, not what they need.”

The higher strategy!

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After 18 years I came an old friend across. He had grown now to a handsome young man with a very successful business and a beautiful wife. He used to be bullied very harshly on the high school. There was group of guys who used to pick on him for no reason. That was my first lesson in the art of war “There will be those who will hate you for no reason”.

They used to hit him, spit on him, eat up his food, one time they threw him in a deep channel, his clothes, his books everything was wet, he almost drowned in the water. It took me ages to get him out of water. I remember he cried for hours there, there was mixture of fear and anger in his eyes, blood rushed through his veins. I never forgave myself for my cowardliness, I never helped him at the time of his real need. Here I learned the second art of war (“Sometime you must kill to survive”).

As we stood there after 18 years, he looked at me and a tear dropped from his eyes. He said to me, “do you remember those days”? There was a pose of silence. I asked him, “what would you do if somebody like them came again in your life”. He replied, “I will cut there throat, drink there blood, boil their skin and feed it to the dogs”. There was a scary seriousness in his eyes and a determination to do so, if ever! Before leaving he hugged me and thanked me for those days.

That day I learned another valuable lesson in the art of war “little help is better than none”.

The innocent mind!